Well gosh darn it, I am not sorry that I got fat! In fact, in the season of resolutions to slim down I give you, inspired by the Fat Mac himself...
HOW TO GET FAT IN THE NEW YEAR
Now a lot of people will have you believe that you can just get fat by looking at a bag of lays potato chips ...(I'm looking at you Richard, you dolphin short wearing, afro rocking card, you.)...
Not so I say. Here are some sure fire ways to expand your waist line and be wearing your favorite sweats to Shake Shack in no time.
1)Eat when you are full, bored or not hungry.
2)Make every occasion punctuated with food...ya'll.
|Next GOP candidate.|
3) Tartar sauce on french fries.
Don't ask questions.
4) Eat before you go to bed.
|gaga does it.|
5) Drink your f*cking face off.
|example for us all.|
"Thanks. I needed that." Beer is best. General rule. Craft beers REALLY pack it on. Stay away from the clear booze unless you want to be like all of those size 4 and down freaks of nature. Brown booze is best. Rums, whiskey, bourbon, anything with lots of sugar, Jager or any type of fake sugary cordial. And when mixing NEVER use the diet soda. It's evil and makes you lose you hair. You can't be fat and bald. To help you in your times of "I can't drink AGAIN tonight dude." Put on Animal House, Beer Fest, The Big Lebowski, or Old School. All adhere to the mantra that we all should be following anyway: " Be one with one's pleasures...pleasures meaning your drunk ass face." All will light a fire under you ass that will having you scream "toga!" or "who wants to shotgun?!?" Or just watch any of Robert Pattinson's movies...they'll ALL make you want to drink. Remember that really crappy one he did that ended with the 9/11 thing? I was ACTUALLY drinking in that movie and couldn't take it. But I digress...)
|Did you see her on West Wing? Awesome.|
As always I love you. If you didn't dig the entry then roll it up and smoke it with Mary-Louise Parker.